I’m not sure if I’ve really got time to write this, but sod it, I’ve got two pizzas to eat before I leave on friday, and I haven’t been able to eat them all week.

Anyway, for months now I’ve been trying to figure out a way of measuring this, since I realised that the old recognizable gender polarity twist reaction really doesn’t cut the mustard, and actually makes me feel quite uncomfortable. Even when I’ve been ma’am’d in the states, or the equivalent here (brits don’t really go in for that whole sir/ma’am thing unless I think their being facetious unless they really aren’t) I’ve always felt like I’m on shaky ground because I’m usually trying to butch it up a bit in public… erm, yeah this whole androgynous thing isn’t really doing it for me atm – hence this goal.

So, I went to the hairdresser this evening – only for the second time in my life (the first 20 years ago really put me off the idea of letting a stranger loose on my hair with a pair of scissors and a hairdryer) Probably because I got exactly what I was aiming for the last time I cut me hair and it turned out just right even though I managed not to do it right.

But I just realised I got charged at the mens rate, and the womens rate for the same job is #13 more! So yeah, I guess it’s in my interests to get the gents rate, but wouldn’t it be good if I got charged the women’s rate! I mean as an indicator, I mean their not likely to do that if they think it’s a guy, unless it’s something complicated, and I’m sure they would have to explain it, well, unless it was a tv of something. God I don’t know now, it’s not like I’d even be going into a place like that in obvious drag. No but I’d be dressed kinda normal everyday wear kind of thing, probably won’t even wear a skirt or anything kind of obvious like that until I’m fairly confident about not getting clocked.

Hmm. I think I’ll go and have my pizza now. :)

i thought you might be interested in this: Meditations with the Undine Istiphul by William Mistele.

In this moment, by the rhythm of the waves

And their foamy crests, by the ocean’s vast depths,

I exist only to fulfill your needs;

I give of myself that your dreams may be complete,

For such is the power of love—

To fuse the deepest desires in one

With the deepest desires in the other.

Can’t you see that I have taken on form and shape

That you may taste the sea in its intimacy?

(Istiphul)